Who You Lookin' At?

When I was a teen we lived on the south side of Syracuse in a mildly rough neighborhood. Since I was a 4'10" scrawny little white girl, I seemed to be an easy target for bullying and such.  Strangers didn't know I had three brothers and could hold my own for most situations. When a group of kids would be roaming around and they encountered a single individual, the question/challenge was "Who you lookin' at?" This generated some interesting responses as there is no good way to answer that question. (Unless, of course, you wanted to get pummelled!)

This is, however, a valid question to ask ourselves. Who is our focus? Who are we looking to for guidance, provision, help, validation, identification, etc?  Am I looking at my family to determine who I am?  Am I expecting a spouse to provide what I need emotionally, physically and mentally?  Am I looking to my occupation to define me?

When my life crashed into a gazillion little pieces, I discovered that I didn't know who I was. Oh yes, I know my birth name and what people think that means. However, when you find yourself empty, broken, battered and clueless you start trying to find something or someone to hold on to. I longed for someone who wouldn't leave, someone who would speak truth. I needed the ROCK.

On my face on the floor I discovered that no matter what happened, or how bad I felt, Jesus was NOT moving. I knew with my mind that He loved me (or was supposed to) but struggled then and some now with receiving that unconditional, unwavering, powerful love. I discovered that knowing who I was depended upon who my God was.

If I expect anger and wrath from my Papa God, I will not go to him boldly like Hebrews exhorts us to. (10:19) How can we trust a God we're afraid of? Duh, we can't. So faith wavers and crashes and we wind up leaning on men again. No wonder we're weenie Christians! (Note: I said we...)


So who is this God we sing so loudly and long about? How is He great? Why would He love me? Keep watching for the next post....


Blessings,